Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
