Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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