between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
