I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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