please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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