I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
