apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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