why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
