I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
