It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
