i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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