ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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