I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
