apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
