I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
