Dual....:-)
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
