Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
