I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize