he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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