So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
