I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
