Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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