Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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