nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
smell my finger.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
