you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
