i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
