I'm drive I can fine osifer
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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