so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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