he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
