Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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