my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am midnight drunk by noon
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
