Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
