why didn't you poke me back
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
