I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
