just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
