I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
