careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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