For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
