Are we in a gay sports bar?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
