I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
