what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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