how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
