I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
