i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
