I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
