AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
