I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
how drunk are you?
Several
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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