the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
