thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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