I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
