I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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