I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
