Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
