Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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