also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
