Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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