your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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