I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
