Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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