I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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