i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will be naked everywhere
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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