how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
