i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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