So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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