good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
