my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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