We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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