We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
